How To Go To A Club When You're 31.

1) Take your definition of "late" and add two hours.

You're no rookie. You know clubs don't get started early. But, your life at 31 means that you're used to going out directly from work, starting early and ending early. So when you think you're going out "late" by leaving your house at 10:00, know that the kids these days are still in their sweats. The music and dancing isn't going to get started for fun until 11:00 at the very earliest. More likely, midnight. You know you're there too early when you're actually hoping that a bachelorette party arrives to warm up the dance floor.

2) Realize that the songs of your youth are now "classics" and/or the kids have never heard of them.

I didn't know this until tonight but I know almost every word to "Pump Up the Jam." It helps that there aren't a lot of words to it but still. The kids seemed to like the beat but I'm pretty sure they hadn't really heard it before.

3) Dancing is a workout.

Especially important to remember at 31. Particularly if you have a hard workout that morning. I did the double this morning which involved a whole bunch of lunges and squats along with one of the toughest spin classes I've been in. 12 hours later, dancing was a workout. Muscles were shaky after just a few minutes.


4) Sometimes the solution is going home.

In your 20's, the answer to a bad DJ, obnoxious people on the dance floor, and overbearing drunks was to just drink more. That was usually a short term, expensive quick fix. Now that I'm 31, I can afford it and my liver is in the best shape of its life. Nonetheless, I am thirty-one. I am too old to listen to a bad DJ, be constantly bumped, or have to put up with people who can't hold their liquor. I had some drinks, I enjoyed myself dancing, but I'm equally happy to be home without trying to force the night to be something it was not.

Now that I've learned my lessons, I look forward to applying them in the near future.